Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
