I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
