yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
