Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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