You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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