he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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