brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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