Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
