I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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