there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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