she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize