You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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