so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
