seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
