I think i sorta joined a cult last night
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
