i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
