I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
