I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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