Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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