my phone needs a breathalizer
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
