you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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