Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
