I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
