take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
