are you so shy because you have an std?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
