i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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