You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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