it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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