My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
