I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
