My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
my sisters under your porch take her home
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
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