My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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