What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
