just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
