dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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