he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
