If i could tip my vagina, i would.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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