I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
