I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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