if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
