I like to think it a success when the cops are called
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
