Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
