Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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