I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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