Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
