I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
