Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
