just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize