i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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