I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
