Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
