Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
