we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
