walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
