Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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