And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
