i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Randomize
