Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Randomize
