3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
