OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Don't tell me you're on acid again
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
