was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
