so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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