I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
