you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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