dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
