So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
