I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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