I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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