i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
