Three words: puerto rican gang bang
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
