Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
